A Christmas Wish

We talk openly and honestly about Olivia with Jeffrey. He knows he has a big sister in Heaven. He's seen her pictures and he understands as best he can at the age of 3. I'm always able to talk to him in a calm voice and keep my composure when talking about her with him, but he said something yesterday that nearly brought me to my knees. I don't want to forget this conversation, which is why I'm choosing to share it here..

"Mommy, can Santa fly way up into Heaven and bring Olivia down to me so that she can sit in my lap like Chelsea does?"

"I'm sorry sweetie, but even Santa can't do that. Anytime you want to hold Chelsea you just let me know and you can tell her all about your big sister. Okay?"

"Okay Mommy. I love you."

I love that boy.

I Can Do This..

I can do this. I can post to my blog, which has been abandoned for quite some time now. I'd like to say that it's because I'm too busy. Yes, I'm busy, but deep in my heart, I know that's not it. This is the place where reality most often hits me and lately I just haven't wanted to face that reality. Why? I have no idea, but you see some days are better than others and some days still hurt like you can never imagine. I don't want Chelsea to be known as the baby who was born on the day her sister went to Heaven, but at the same time I know this was a gift. I don't want anyone to ever forget Olivia, but I don't want Jeffrey and Chelsea to be overshadowed by our story. These are the thoughts that are going through my mind. They probably make no sense to most of you, and in all honesty they don't always make sense to me, but this is the real reason I've been away for so long. The reality of my two daughters sharing a birthday and angel day is just a bit overwhelming.

My goal today, is to post here once again. To let you guys know that I'm still here, I've just been hiding I guess. We've been living our life and it's been wonderful. Jeffrey had a great 3rd birthday and Chelsea is already 6 months old! Where does the time go?? Since I was here last we've had a birthday party, pumpkin patch fun, a visit to the farm, Christmas decorating and Chelsea's baptism.

I've also recently accepted the role of coordinator for Footprints Ministry's Birmingham Chapter. I knew that our experience with Chelsea's birth would lead me to do more with Footprints, but I never imagined that it would bring me to leading the group. However, I couldn't be happier about it. We have an amazing group of volunteers and we've been able to share God's love in some unbelievable ways in only a few short months. We're really looking forward to a Santa visit and family dinner this Sunday.

So between work, family and Footprints, my life has been busy, but it shouldn't be too busy for the one place that has been mine and has provided solace in days past. I've missed my blog and I hope and pray that I can let go and just write.

Here are a few pictures from our little family: