Feeling Better

I'm feeling much better this morning. Over the past two years I've learned that I'm going to have good moments and bad moments, and I have to allow myself the opportunity to deal with the bad. Last night was one of those times. Thank you for allowing me to pour my heart out through the blog. The written word is healing for me. It helps to put my emotions into writing so that I can somehow wrap my mind around the enormity of it all.

Not only do I feel better this morning because I was able to express my emotions, but I spent a good portion of the night and morning in prayer or maybe you could say that I was having a conversation with God. I love those moments when I can "talk" to Him and then be still and quiet and hope for an answer. As I was sitting in the quiet of my living room this morning Psalm 139 came to mind. This Psalm was one of the many parts of the Bible that helped me handle each day of my pregnancy with Jeffrey. I love this entire Psalm, but verses 11-17 always stick out in my mind.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. 13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

These verses remind me that He's always there. I can't hide in sorrow. I can't push him away. He'll never leave. He's always with us wrapping His mighty, gentle arms around us, whispering that it will all be okay.

Verse 13 meant so much to me when Olivia was born. I knew that God was in control of her tiny life before I ever knew her. How comforting to know that Olivia's life was so perfect. She never knew heartache, she only knew love here on earth and now she only knows the everlasting love of our Father.

I'm so grateful for the lives of both of my children. We have been blessed beyond belief. I never knew my heart could love so much.

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Kate - Thank you for your sweet comment. It's so comforting to know that Olivia touched so many lives during her short time with us. You are so right, Jeffrey is a beautiful reminder of God's amazing grace and love, and I also believe that Aiden and Isaac are as well. They are all miracle babies!

And no, I don't think your child needs testing. I think he's just a normal little boy who enjoys banging his head against the wall. Don't feel bad, Jeffrey loves to headbutt me and his Daddy. However, these are our children we're talking about so should we really be surprised??

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It's been forever since I've posted a video so I thought it was time to share one with all of you. It starts with Ben letting Jeffrey play with the remote and goes into my obsession with getting him to wave bye-bye! For some strange reason Ben put Jeffrey's bib on their toward the end. I'm not why he did this, although he can be a bit of a messy eater sometimes! Just kidding, I love you sweetie, even if you do let Jeffrey play with the remote and wear his bib! ;)

P.S: I hope you like the new blog template. I needed a fresh, new look! :)